Things I might not ever get...

(Right) Bacon, Tomato and Onion Jam atop Homemade Cake

Summer has hit Baltimore, in its own muggy and sticky way. In an attempt to bring winter back, I decided to make a cake...obviously, when it's 90 degrees outside, the first thing you want to do is turn on the oven. I then enjoyed the cake (more a sweet bread, really) so much so, that the very next day, I decided to make an accompanying bacon, tomato and onion jam. Suffice it to say, my kitchen has been steamy the past couple of days. Another irrationality is that warmer weather tends to bring out the procrastination monster in me, hence why I'm sitting at my cubicle at work right now doing nothing...and have been doing nothing but reading the news for the past 2 hours. I'll get to work...eventually.

Such feelings point me towards one obvious thing. I need a vacation. A real vacation.

I have not taken time off from work since December when I visited my family for the holidays. Sadly, that "time off" was not dedicated to relaxing at all, simply because I was at home with said family. Here's some background. My idea of vacation usually does not include blood relations, simply because I find such people to be extremely stressful and demanding. Yes, these obligatory vacations are vacations in the sense that they are time off from work, and usually involve a trip of some sort, but I always feel like I've just spent a week at another job. It's not really their fault, more so mine, but in truth, after a couple of days with family, my sanity and patience are so gone that I just become a numb box of flesh walking around. To make matters worse, in regards to my current status of life, I'm absolutely nowhere near where I want to be career-wise, a fact which lends well to supporting my parents' silent disappointment and endless micromanaging of my life. To them, it's like I have no say because I haven't found my place in the world and therefore, my intelligence and decisions are questionable.  Being the defensive person that I am, I now harbor a great deal of resentment and stress and fear and responsibility caused by family (as well as towards them), a great deal of which is probably just me in my head and a great deal of which is also probably true. This is getting heavy.

My point is, I love my family, but I need a vacation, one that does not include them. They have been pressuring me to visit them for a week in June, and as I was planning on taking a personal vacation at that time, I have indicated my disinterest to them. My siblings are citing my father's birthday as a reason, but I don't even want to join that, but the niggling sense of family-obligation is rolling in. Really, I simply cannot fathom how they have not yet gotten the point. Is my constant obvious reluctance to "not visit" being construed as something other than a solid declination of their invitations? It would be really nice to just get away from work and play the solitary lonesome recovery card (minus a few exceptions). A vacation in which I can lie on a beach and sleep past noon everyday of the week, make my own schedule and not have to "attend" anything. A vacation in which no one pressures me about my weaknesses and lack of job positions in the near future, or about being "serious" about my life and medical school. A vacation with copious alcohol and good food. A situation in which I'm not surrounded by my successful siblings or sneaking away to make phone calls in the dead of night to people my family doesn't approve of, one in which I don't have to wear a mask and hold my tongue about all my beliefs about life. A vacation with the strange man, whose non-demanding and calming presence all around makes life so much more enjoyable.  That's the kind of vacation I need.

In an attempt to relax while still in Baltimore, we've been cooking expansive meals lately. This one, in particular, was fit for the muggy weather. It contained some chilled cucumber salad (Kirby cucumbers tossed with some rice wine vinegar, sugar, salt and sesame oil), some grilled meat with a McCormick's Cowboy Rub (it was okay, I liked the idea of it more than the actual taste), lots of kimchi, both cabbage and cucumber, and some homemade busy-day cake (courtesy of Edna Lewis' recipe with minor alterations) topped with bacon, tomato and onion jam (inspiration from Not Without Salt). I've posted recipes for the latter two items. Now I've heard a lot about tomato jam over the years, and it remained a thing of curiosity until after tasting "Busy-Day Cake," or as I like to think of it, everyday cake. I made this mildly sweet, cornbread-y, egg-y and fragrant cake the day before, and my automatic reaction to it was to think of a savory spread to put atop of it for breakfast the next morning. As usual, I made some minor errors in making the jam that I note in the recipe, but otherwise, this "jam" goes really well with potatoes and pretty much anything else you want to put it on.

Bacon, Tomato and Onion Jam

Excellent atop of potatoes or cake or sweet bread

1 lb of bacon

2 large red onions, diced

3 medium tomatoes, seeded and diced

1/2 C strong coffee

1/2 C apple cider vinegar

1/4 C maple syrup

1/4 C brown sugar

1 tsp red pepper flakes

1 tsp nutmeg, salt and pepper

6 large leaves of basil

on a potato

Chop the bacon into smaller pieces and fry in pan until fat has been rendered. Now in my case, I did not fry the bacon until crisp so I might try for this next time. I also did not pour out any of the rendered fat, which I will probably do next time. While eating, it was asked, "Wait, so this jam has a pound of bacon lard in it?" to which my only sheepish response was..."Yes?" So for obvious health reasons, and also because the jam could do without the extra liquid, pour our most of the bacon oil and reserve just a little for the onions.

After bacon fat has been rendered and most of it poured off, saute the onions, tomatoes, red pepper flakes and nutmeg until translucent. I found the jam I made to be really sweet when finished, so I'd season with salt and pepper at this point, to taste. Once onions are translucent, add the bacon back in and cook for a little longer. Add the rest of the liquid ingredients and then reduce down until sticky and jam like (an hour or more). Once the jam is near done, turn off the heat and mix in the chopped basil leaves. Serve. Makes a little more than one small mason jar of jam. Look, I put it on some roasted potatoes and it was still delicious.

Everyday or "Busy Day" Cake

adapted from Edna Lewis as per the recipe posted on Orangette

8 tbsp salted butter, softened

1 C granulated sugar

3 large eggs

2 tsp almond extract

2 C all-purpose flour

2 ½ tsp baking powder

nutmeg and cinnamon

1/2 C whole milk, at room temperature

Yes, yes, the picture is super yellow because I took it with an iPod rather than a real camera in a badly lit kitchen. I really have got to stop doing that. Either way, a slice of this can be seen in one of the earlier pictures, hidden below a mound of jam. It's a pretty dense cake, I think borderline dry, so next time I may put more milk in it. I also would reduce the sugar (went from 1-1/3 C to 1 C) because while not overly sweet, it was still too sweet for my liking. This cake will fill your house with a delicious, egg-y aroma, trust me. Preheat your oven to 375 degrees.

Using a wooden spoon and a whisk, cream together the sugar and the butter until smooth. Then add the 3 eggs and almond (or vanilla) extract and beat until all is incorporated. Sift together the flour, baking powder, nutmeg and cinnamon. Add this dry mixture to the batter in parts, alternating with the milk and mixing or scraping down the sides of the bowl with a spatula. Flour and milk, mix, flour and milk, mix, repeat, etc. until all ingredients are used up. Pour into a pan (I used a glass pan because that's all I had) and bake until a toothpick inserted comes out clean. You now have cake for breakfast, lunch or dinner, whichever you prefer. Either way, remember to put some of that "jam" on top.