Heightened states
Where do you see life going in the next 20 years?
I remember when I used to write when I was hungry, or when I was angry, or frustrated about love. Now I write because my cortisol levels have been elevated for more than 48 hours. Because I am lost and life's path has become, not necessarily unclear, but certainly uncertain. Because I really just don't know who I am anymore, or if it's possible to do everything I want to do anymore. I'm beginning to feel my age.
I have so much anger already, but very little regret. A quarter century of existence soon approaches, and I find myself wondering (in the past few weeks or so) whether or not I am squandering my life. I have priorities, but when asked what I've been doing to make these priorities reach fruition, it seems like I've done nothing of consequence. I still plan on doing, and sometimes do a little, but really, I haven't been paying attention to any of the priorities, meaning that at this point in time, they're only dreams. Yet, I just want to be left alone to mumble in my own thoughts. I don't want any parental direction or any pushes, I want to be able to push myself. I have lots of fear, and use my stubbornness to quell it.
In truth, I've just been letting life happen, and it seems to have passed quickly and silently this past year. And I'm unhappy, about a lot of things, but sloth has so overcome me, I just let my unhappiness happen and find happiness in the brief moments I can. Oh are these brief moments happy, so happy that I often wish I would just die by accident, wanting nothing more, so that the feeling could be frozen in time for my consciousness, for whoever wished to stumble across it in another dimension. Oddly, in this way, I've come to enjoy the day to day life, living for weekends, sleeping late, not caring about work. I look back in time and see my young whippersnap self, with so many aspirations and ambitions, and all I can do is yawn and shrug my shoulders. Wonder what happened there, I ask myself, and then I let the thought go.
These tarts were inspired by Canadian Butter Tarts, and I think there's a lot of room for improvement, even though they are awfully tasty, especially when cold. 1. A little too sweet. 2. Too sticky for me. And 3, when I make these again, I'll probably use dark corn syrup instead of molasses, because I'm not a big fan of the molasses flavor (was looking for something more soft caramel-like). I also didn't like how dark in color these turned out to be...they were not aesthetically pleasing at all, contrary to the picture (in the lighting it looks blue, but really the insides of the tart were a darn brown color). Anyways, the next time, I'll try something with toffee and caramel, I think. Blueberries can be, as usual, an afterthought. Or maybe they'll be fresh next time, who knows.
Blueberry Butter Tarts
sugary sticky sweet mess, about 12 mini tarts
1 1/4 C flour
2 TB granulated sugar
2/3 C salted butter
1/3 C ice water
1 1/2 teaspoons white vinegar
dried blueberries
3/4 C dark brown sugar
1/2 C dark corn syrup or maple syrup and molasses (mixed)
1/4 C unsalted butter, melted
1 teaspoon almond extract
In a food processor, process together flour, sugar and salted butter until crumbly and butter is evenly distributed. In another small bowl mix together the ice water and vinegar. Pour the flour/sugar/butter mix into another bowl, make a well, and slowly add the water and vinegar mixture (a little at a time, will not use all of it), until the dough comes together. Knead a bit (it will probably be sticky), then put in the refrigerator overnight to cool and let the gluten activate. Although this crust is super tasty, it's hard to work with especially when it's hot or humid and probably extremely unhealthy, so I might consider changing the butter to butter and olive oil at some point in the future.
Butter a muffin tin. Then divide your dough into 12 balls, roll out or flatten the balls a bit, and press the dough into your muffin tins, making sure it's thin but has no cracks in the crust (or else the sticky insides will leak through and make things a stickier mess). Sprinkle some dried blueberries into the bottom of the cup. Whisk together the dark brown sugar, maple syrup and molasses, butter and almond extract. Pour about 2-3 teaspoons of this mixture into the crusts; do not overpour or it will bubble out. Then cook for 20-30 minutes in a 400 degree oven until bubbling and set, meaning no longer watery. If still watery and you can't get it to set, stick some clumps of brown sugar into the tarts and bake again, or just put them in the fridge and eat them cold.
I remember when I used to write when I was hungry, or when I was angry, or frustrated about love. Now I write because my cortisol levels have been elevated for more than 48 hours. Because I am lost and life's path has become, not necessarily unclear, but certainly uncertain. Because I really just don't know who I am anymore, or if it's possible to do everything I want to do anymore. I'm beginning to feel my age.
I have so much anger already, but very little regret. A quarter century of existence soon approaches, and I find myself wondering (in the past few weeks or so) whether or not I am squandering my life. I have priorities, but when asked what I've been doing to make these priorities reach fruition, it seems like I've done nothing of consequence. I still plan on doing, and sometimes do a little, but really, I haven't been paying attention to any of the priorities, meaning that at this point in time, they're only dreams. Yet, I just want to be left alone to mumble in my own thoughts. I don't want any parental direction or any pushes, I want to be able to push myself. I have lots of fear, and use my stubbornness to quell it.
In truth, I've just been letting life happen, and it seems to have passed quickly and silently this past year. And I'm unhappy, about a lot of things, but sloth has so overcome me, I just let my unhappiness happen and find happiness in the brief moments I can. Oh are these brief moments happy, so happy that I often wish I would just die by accident, wanting nothing more, so that the feeling could be frozen in time for my consciousness, for whoever wished to stumble across it in another dimension. Oddly, in this way, I've come to enjoy the day to day life, living for weekends, sleeping late, not caring about work. I look back in time and see my young whippersnap self, with so many aspirations and ambitions, and all I can do is yawn and shrug my shoulders. Wonder what happened there, I ask myself, and then I let the thought go.
These tarts were inspired by Canadian Butter Tarts, and I think there's a lot of room for improvement, even though they are awfully tasty, especially when cold. 1. A little too sweet. 2. Too sticky for me. And 3, when I make these again, I'll probably use dark corn syrup instead of molasses, because I'm not a big fan of the molasses flavor (was looking for something more soft caramel-like). I also didn't like how dark in color these turned out to be...they were not aesthetically pleasing at all, contrary to the picture (in the lighting it looks blue, but really the insides of the tart were a darn brown color). Anyways, the next time, I'll try something with toffee and caramel, I think. Blueberries can be, as usual, an afterthought. Or maybe they'll be fresh next time, who knows.
Blueberry Butter Tarts
sugary sticky sweet mess, about 12 mini tarts
1 1/4 C flour
2 TB granulated sugar
2/3 C salted butter
1/3 C ice water
1 1/2 teaspoons white vinegar
dried blueberries
3/4 C dark brown sugar
1/2 C dark corn syrup or maple syrup and molasses (mixed)
1/4 C unsalted butter, melted
1 teaspoon almond extract
In a food processor, process together flour, sugar and salted butter until crumbly and butter is evenly distributed. In another small bowl mix together the ice water and vinegar. Pour the flour/sugar/butter mix into another bowl, make a well, and slowly add the water and vinegar mixture (a little at a time, will not use all of it), until the dough comes together. Knead a bit (it will probably be sticky), then put in the refrigerator overnight to cool and let the gluten activate. Although this crust is super tasty, it's hard to work with especially when it's hot or humid and probably extremely unhealthy, so I might consider changing the butter to butter and olive oil at some point in the future.
Butter a muffin tin. Then divide your dough into 12 balls, roll out or flatten the balls a bit, and press the dough into your muffin tins, making sure it's thin but has no cracks in the crust (or else the sticky insides will leak through and make things a stickier mess). Sprinkle some dried blueberries into the bottom of the cup. Whisk together the dark brown sugar, maple syrup and molasses, butter and almond extract. Pour about 2-3 teaspoons of this mixture into the crusts; do not overpour or it will bubble out. Then cook for 20-30 minutes in a 400 degree oven until bubbling and set, meaning no longer watery. If still watery and you can't get it to set, stick some clumps of brown sugar into the tarts and bake again, or just put them in the fridge and eat them cold.
Comments
Post a Comment