Out there

A food post will be coming soon, promise. Before I do that though, I have to get this off my chest. Honestly, I tried to unload this on a food post, tried to tie this story to some recipe, tried to incorporate what I saw into some life lesson, but I came up short. Seriously guys, I tried, really, really hard. 

Here's the story. Pinky and I took the Squeeze (the dog) to the PetSmart for a vet visit  last week, for updates on shots, medications, and the like - to say the least, Squeeze was not pleased once we parked the car and he saw the blaring red of the PetsSmart sign. He got a new toy afterwards, no worries (he had to, that vet shoved that thermometer wayyyy up his you know what). Anyways, although we were on time for the appointment, when we arrived at the clinic counter inside, there was still an excruciating wait. Why, you might ask? 

In front of us stood this middle-aged man with 4 large exotic parrots perched on a cart. 4 parrots! I kid you not. He didn't have a cage, there were no restraints, nothing...he was just some white, balding dude with his acid-washed jeans and worn-out button up shirt, and his 4 giant parrots chilling free-style on the edge of a PetSmart cart. He and his little posse certainly seemed oblivious to the fact that they were creeping us all out. All the customers in line, us included, stood a ways a way, farther than arms length, if you know what I mean....which made sense. Not only were those birds intimidating, but this guy's character was questionable. His grey skin pointed to a lifetime in darkness, and the little bits of conversation I caught coming out of his mouth were well arrogant and....let's just say on the less than stellar side. 

I'd try to paint this guy in a better light, but I just don't have the stamina for it right now. It was deduced from his conversation with the receptionists that he really was just of the creeper-nature. Point being, he didn't have an appointment for his parrots at the clinic - he was just there to "browse" the selection at PetSmart, show off his birds, and chat up them ladiez. Hence why he was blocking the line and preventing anyone with an actual appointment from approaching the counter and checking in. 

I wish I had gotten a picture of them all. Still though, despite this inconsiderate dude, I've certainly seen enough Reddit photos to know better -  it's not so nice to secretly photo someone's parrots when said person is attempting hard to chat up some ladiez and get laid (though the receptionists were super icy, he wasn't going to get anywhere). We all know karma can be a real bitch so let's play it nice. So, no photo. Anyways, while he kept yammering on, the line kept building up with people trying to pick-up their cats or drop off their dogs (there were 2 other pit-bull mixes in line with us). Still though, everyone was pretty docile and patient, animals included. I wish I could say that we all continued on in this friendly fashion, but one brave cat lady made a critical mistake. 

"Cacatua alba -Pairi Daiza, Hainaut, Belgium-8a" by Stephane Mignon from Bruxelles, Belgique (Europe) - Perroquet blancsUploaded by snowmanradio. Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons - http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Cacatua_alba_-Pairi_Daiza,_Hainaut,_Belgium-8a.jpg#mediaviewer/File:Cacatua_alba_-Pairi_Daiza,_Hainaut,_Belgium-8a.jpg

Perhaps the long wait got to her, but she stepped up to the desk and asked if she could get her pet. She stood a good 10 feet away from the dude and his parrots, but apparently, still too close for the oldest parrot of the bunch. Out of nowhere, this parrot starts shrieking, jumps across the counter and down onto the floor, and proceeds to scream and attack her leg. I'm not joking when I say things were suddenly in slow-motion, but we weren't sure what to do, and right as everyone started and lunged forward, so did the parrot. In horror, we watched as the bird sunk its beak into her ankles (rather thick ones, I say) and ripped out a huge chunk of her flesh.

It was over in moments, but the aftermath wasn't pretty. A crying woman, apologetic (but not really) bird-owner - "He gets jealous often" or "He likes shoes" - panicked PetSmart personnel, confused crowd. She did have atrocious shoes. Quickly, the man gathered his birds as we moved farther away from the incident. Even the dogs were terrified, and we all watched as the cockatoo preened itself with its bloody beak and stared us all down, daring us to do anything. Cold....so cold. 

We didn't, by the way. No one did. This little umbrella cockatoo fucker got away with it.  

Conclusions? Birds are scary as fuck. Life story? Stay away from birds. You only have to stare into the cold, calculating eyes of a cockatoo once to know better.