The things we could have learned

It's one of those days. I woke up groggy and couldn't get out of groggy for the life of me. I rolled out of bed at 10 AM (which is still late, mind you), drank coffee as usual, ate some crackers, and then promptly sat around feeling old in the bones. I laid around on the couch, blankly staring at cupcakes on Cupcake Wars while the time flitted by, occasionally turning my mind towards to writing papers or applications but never once moving towards the computer. It took so much effort just to creak my joints, that it's clear that the ancient lady inside of me was awake and crying out to be heard. I listened. 

Apparently, this ancient lady is also super gluttonous, because she decided that some cheesecake after crackers was a good idea. Cheesecake was then followed by other indulgent things (pepperoni rolls and potato chips, to name a few) and more sleep - can you hear the lipids clinging to my arteries yet? 

I'm fairly certain that this is the same old lady that used to be in one of my favorite children's novels - I forget the title - but it was one of those Chinese stories that's supposed to teach a lesson that I still don't really understand, e.g. myth behind the Harvest Moon Festival (a curious woman is married to a loving god, but she steals an immortality pill from him and eats it before he can. She then floats up to the Moon to avoid his arrows, you know, because he's trying to kill her even though she's immortal....and now we eat little pastries shaped like the moon to celebrate her behavior. Say what?). 

Anyways, in this other story, there's an old lady, who is so jolly that the text is often punctuated by her "Hee hee hees," who also accidentally finds an underground city where a society of stone lions are living. It's basically situated under her house, alongside an underground waterway. These stone lions are a gracious people, and they invite her in and give her a job cooking rice for them. It is of note, however, that it's not a tough job. The lions have created a magical grain of rice. When this grain of rice is put into a pot and stirred, it multiplies into many grains, so many grains that the entire society can be fed. Quite a sustainable idea, I think. 

So this goes on for awhile, until this old lady (who happens to also be Asian) decides to capitalize on this idea of minimum work for maximum benefit. She steals the magical grain of rice and sneaks away in the middle of the night. As she's rowing away on a boat, one of the stone lions wakes up, and obviously panics and alerts the others. They try to catch her, but she escapes, and not only that, but she also permanently shuts down the entry way to the underground city (she creates a rock-slide and blocks the entrance with a tower of boulders). She then returns home and opens up a rice shop, and sells bowls of rice happily until the end of her days. 

What a dick! She totally killed off an entire society of advanced beings by starving them all to death! I mean, starvation is a terrible way to go, and to do it in the dark and underground? What a jerk! And the things we could have learned from this amazing society of stone lions! Oh hey, how are we going to solve world hunger? Enchanted grains of rice! All she had to do was wait around and ask if she could learn the spell, but no, all she could think of was herself and her cushy retirement plan. Old lady, you're such a douche-bag. 

Here's a delicious, tall cheesecake. It's wonderful plain, creamy and tangy, but feel free to put fruit syrup or jam on top if you'd like more sweetness. My mother and brother are really into baking cheesecakes, but not very into sharing their methods, which is actually quite fine - they both like milkier, fluffier cheesecakes (in the Asian pastry style), that are about half the size in height and usually topped with a fruit gel of sorts. I tend towards firmer and tangier cheesecakes, really tall ones like this one (NY-style, yeaa). This cheesecake definitely has zip to it. It's very cream-cheesy, and the sweet salty crust adds a dimension of flavor that's addictive.  

Classic Cheesecake

1 8-inch cheesecake

8 oz. of cinnamon graham crackers

1 stick salted butter, melted

2 packages cream cheese (16 oz)

3/4 C granulated sugar

3 large eggs

16 fl oz. Greek yogurt

1 TB vanilla extract

Zest of 1 lemon or orange

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F and let the cream cheese soften. 

In a food processor, pulse the graham crackers into a crumbly mixture. Mix the crumbs into the melted butter until all the crumbs are saturated, then press the graham cracker mixture into an 8-inch spring-form pan. All sides of the pan should be evenly coated and the crust should be high, up to about 1-inch from the top. Place this crust in the refrigerator for at least 30 minutes to set. 

Beat the cream cheese with the granulated sugar until the mixture is smooth. Then add in the eggs, 1 at a time, scraping down the sides - do not over beat the mixture at this point, you can leave the batter a little lumpy. After the eggs, fold in the yogurt, vanilla extract, and zest. 

Wrap the bottom of the spring-form pan in aluminum foil and place in a casserole dish. Fill the dish with water - the water line should come about halfway up the pan. Now pour the cheesecake batter into the crust and lightly shake up it is even and smooth across the top. Bake for 1 hour, until the top of the cheesecake is evenly browned (it will still be jiggly when you remove it from the oven). 

Let rest until room temperature, then place in the refrigerator (covered) and let chill overnight.