Oh Baltimore

Ah so ended the Baltimore curfew. Well, 3 days ago. I've been lagging on this post. Although some may say that it's odd to live in a city that mandates a curfew, like a parent managing a child, I didn't find anything particularly terrible about the rule. Absolutely no desire to protest it, felt no need to go stand out on the sidewalk at 10 PM and hassle police officers just trying to do their job, like a dick. Do people not understand that police officers are just taking orders from higher ups and that they're not the ones actually making the decisions in this case? I guess not. Anyway, back to this curfew. To me, it made perfect sense as to why the mayor would want to instate such a thing (see, rioting and looting), and why she would want it to go for the week (see, continued violence)...and come on, folks, it was only for a week. Alas, there will always be idiots who don't have the willpower to last one week, running around screaming about anarchy and crying when they get arrested for not following the rules, set in place to protect citizens. Oh how the idiocy detracts from major issues.

A lot of old friends from college, who used to live in Baltimore, will see the news, text or call me and say in a nostalgia-laden or amused voice, "Oh Baltimore." To a certain extent, I understand where they're coming from and I really do want to view Baltimore with the same type of endearment. I really do! At the same time though, I want to throw up my hands and be like, "You lucky bastards!" and then turn around and punch Baltimore in the face.

I've always said I love this city, and I do, but I don't think it wants me anymore. The time might be coming in which I've overstayed my welcome. A deep, deep part of me wants to stay here even longer, to see how my life plays out in this city...but I think Baltimore wants me to go. (Spoiler, profanity soon follows).

Last week, an old friend came to DC for a conference and I decided to ride down to see her. I took the train there but ended up missing the last train back, or at least, the last train back that would get me into Baltimore before the city-wide curfew went into effect. I didn't mind staying overnight in DC; it was a bit of a relief to get out of Baltimore and walk around neighborhoods in DC, where the ethnic diversity is much more varied and people seemed much more friendly than what I'm used to. I felt like such a jaded individual, constantly checking over my shoulder out of habit. My companion, who's from Seattle, didn't seem bothered at all by the people walking around us, whereas all I could think was how nervous I was to be in close proximity to anyone on the sidewalk. It's better to be alone on the sidewalk and away from people - didn't people know that? Staying away from people on the sidewalk means avoiding being robbed! I even nearly jumped out my skin when some man stopped to talk to us - I immediately thought he wanted something from me, but no. He had just noticed that we were looking for restaurants and decided to offer some nice suggestions. I can't even tell you the last time something like that happened to me in Baltimore...maybe...6 years ago in college?

Anyway, I caught the 5:50 AM train the next morning back to Baltimore, muscles a little less tense after a night of relaxing in a our nation's friendly capital. After getting out of the train station, I purchased a yeasted donut and a cup of coffee and sat down to wait for the local bus at around 7 AM. On the bus, I spoke to a young working lady who was working to enhance the "healthy eating, local farm-to-table" movement in the city. She was very pleasant. I got off the bus at my stop and while walking home, with the sun shining and cool breeze blowing through my hair, hot coffee in hand, thought, "You know what? Baltimore is actually still a very nice place. There are some good people here, I don't know I'm so stressed out living here sometimes. I would love to stay for another 4 years." 

That's what I thought, that is, until I neared the neighborhood where I live. While walking up the street, I saw a black woman standing by the road, yelling at the passing cars, wiggling her finger in the Baltimore way, trying to get a free ride. She tried to wave down a school bus, which obviously did not work, and proceeded to yell profanities at it as it drove past. I've never seen a woman flick-off a school bus before, but that's what happened. I thought, "maybe I should cross the street," but then realized that would be silly, as my home was on the side that I was walking and it would probably be all right - maybe she would just ignore me. Either way, I instinctively looked over my shoulder to avoid eye contact and began to feel the dread piling up in my stomach as I heard her yell at me.

"Bitch! Cunt! Don't look over your shoulder!" I heard from a distance.

Since it felt like it was obvious she was talking to me, I yelled back loudly, "Excuse me?" while deeply regretting not walking home a different way.

She stared at me in angry silence as I drew even closer. The silence seemed to stretch on.

It felt like forever but when I finally was about 5 feet from her, I said, "Hello, good morning."

She stared at me, still in a silent rage, then saw that I was carrying a coffee cup. She said, "Fuck you, bitch! You have anything for me in that cup?"

I replied, "Sorry, no."

"Fuck you then, cunt! Keep walking!  Bitch! Fuck!" She flailed her arms around, aggravated, then did a slicing motion across her neck at me.

"Okay then." I passed her, resisting the urge to turn around and throw the coffee in her face, aware that she was doing that 'threatening lean' thing that bullies do. My body was tense, I was angry, and I was ready to turn around and punch her if the opportunity arose. If only I could turn around and give her a piece of my mind. Cars whizzed by and she got distracted, turned away from me and tried to get one of the passing cars to stop and give her a ride. When it didn't stop, she fell back into the cycle of yelling profanities at the cars...and that was that.

I rounded the corner, still hearing her even though she was out of my sight, and saw my home come into view. You'd think I'd feel some sort of relief, but then I saw my neighbor's son - the 12 year-old drug dealer, who is notorious on our block for stealing peoples' phones and bikes, breaking into peoples' houses, mistreating dogs, etc. and who has called me an asshole on multiple occasions on the street, even though I've never even spoken to him before and his only interaction with me is knowing that I'm associated with a "white" man - running down the street away from his school bus, his unintelligible mother with her head hanging out the window yelling something like his name, with absolutely no consideration that it's 7:30 AM in the morning and that some other people on the block might still be sleeping. By the time I had made it to my door, knowing that I would soon be off to do my own work at 8 AM, a weariness had settled down deep inside me again.

Oh Baltimore, indeed.  

"Mounds" Cookies

32 cookies

8 TB browned salted butter
8 TB salted butter, softened
1 C packed dark brown sugar
1/2 C granulated sugar
2 large eggs
2 teaspoons almond extract
2 1/4 C flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 C dark or milk chocolate chips
1 C unsweetened toasted coconut flakes
1/4 C toasted oats (optional)

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. If you have not done it yet, brown 1 stick of the butter by melting it in a shallow pan on the stove on low-med head and then cooking until browned. Swirl the pan occasionally to keep it from burning. Scrape all the melted butter and browned bits into a bowl and let cool completely.

Sift together the flower and baking powder and toast the coconut flakes and oats (optional), if you need to do so. In a large bowl, beat together the softened butter, dark brown sugar, and granulated sugar. Then beat in the cooled browned butter. Add the 2 eggs and almond extract and beat until mixture is light and fluffy. Mix in the dry ingredients until a dough forms, then mix in your chocolate and coconut pieces.

Using a scoop, scoop the dough onto a baking sheet and bake for 9-10 minutes or until browned. Remove and let cool.