Through memory

I haven't had very much time to be a human lately, so I apologize that the posts have not been forthcoming. I've become dominated by apathy and something akin to a paresthesic hate of the immediate world around me. I don't notice the latter so much, only if I step back from my conscious and take a look from afar at myself, my life, the goings ons around me. Life seems easier, the more and more numb I become, the less and less I care. I know I'm making it more terrible than it sounds, it's really not that bad, so here are some hilarious "showerthoughts" that my friend sent me, just a random imgur link that made me chuckle particularly hard. 

This recipe has been in reserve for a few weeks now. Rather than begin with an description of its crumb, I'd like to relay to you the most vivid memory I have of this muffin, and what it seemed to do for a classmate of mine on a particularly bad day. This classmate had just been wrongly failed by our lab professor for an "unacceptable" cavity prep - she had not drilled her plastic tooth to the "ideal standard of perfection" (a phrase they so often throw at us in class) - and she was struggling to keep in tears as she, another classmate, and I walked randomly towards downtown Philadelphia in aimless fashion in the gusty winds and fading light of 5:30 PM, rush hour traffic whizzing by. Now, I'm not very good with dealing with emotions, I much prefer to ignore them, but her obvious pain was palpable and evident, so I did the only maneuver I knew, something similar to what Sheldon on the BBT does with a cup of warm tea. I offered her some food. As she cried and snotted and as the other classmate consoled her with logical words, I hurriedly shoved a jumbo oatmeal muffin into her hand, and over the next 5-10 minutes, watched furtively as she consumed it, also in absent-minded fashion, in what seemed to be large and heaving gulps.  I don't blame her, we all probably hadn't eaten in 8 hours since school and lab began. Either way, as the muffin disappeared in intervals down her throat, I distinctly remember watching large crumbs, marble-sized, the ones her tongue  had missed grasping, flutter out of her mouth and down the neck of her collar, before they were whisked away by the wind. In my mind, I thought, "damn, that is some moist yet light crumb."

It was a weird thought, I'll admit. I also was a bit disturbed by how intently I had just watched the crumb. It was almost a cannabis moment, where time slowed down a little too much, or a first date encounter, when the tomatoey cheese from the pizza stretches down your chin and it feels like eternity as you wipe it off, knowing your hyperattentive date has noticed. 

Anyway. It's a damn good muffin with intense comforting qualities. Even after distributing it to 4 happy people, they seemed to like it as well. Who doesn't love oat muffins though? To plug it some more, the crumb on this muffin is moist and light, the flavor very, very oaty. Unadulterated except with some nuts on top. Thank you, America's Test Kitchen for giving me the base for this recipe, which pretty much requires you grind up some old-fashioned or rolled oats to make the muffin flour. What a genius idea.

The Oatiest Oat Muffins

6 jumbo muffins

2 C old-fashioned, thick, rolled oats

6 TB unsalted butter, melted

1 1/4 C all-purpose flour

1/2 C wheat germ

1 3/4 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1 1/2 teaspoons salt

1 C dark brown sugar

1/4 C granulated sugar

2 large eggs

1 1/3 C milk

topping 

1/2 C roughly chopped pecans

4 TB softened butter

1/4 C dark brown sugar

1/4 C old-fashioned, thick rolled oats

1/4 C flour

1/4 teaspoon ground cloves

Melt the 6 TB of butter and toss 4 TB with the rolled oats, reserving 2 TB for later use. In a shallow pan, toast the buttered oats for about 2 minutes, stirring constantly, until the oats are toasted and nutty smelling (don't burn them). Once finished toasting, let cool and transfer to a large food processor. Pulse together the 2 C toasted oats and flour until the oats are finely ground, then add in the wheat germ, baking powder, ground cinnamon, and salt, pulsing lightly just to mix. In another large bowl, prepare the wet ingredients. Mix together the remaining 2 TB melted butter, dark brown sugar, granulated sugar, large eggs, and 1 1/3 C milk. 

Slowly add the flour to the wet ingredients, using a spatula and whisk. Important tote, this flour mix will clump quickly so the trick is to add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients in 2 parts and use a whisk first; place the whisk in the wet mixture at the bottom of the bowl and drag upwards to break up clumps. You do not want to overmix the batter and using the whisk first will prevent that. 

Once finished adding the wet ingredients to the dry, you'll have a watery batter. Let this sit for 20 minutes, to let the oat flour hydrate properly and to let it thicken up. While you are waiting, butter/flour a jumbo muffin tin (6 muffins), mix together the topping ingredients until a clumpy mixture is formed, and preheat the oven to 350 degrees. 

After 20 minutes, pour the batter into the muffin tin until each tin hole is near brimming full with batter. Using your hands or a spoon, cover each muffin fully with topping mixture. Bake at 350 degrees for 20-25 minutes, or until the muffins have risen and formed their tops and a toothpick comes out clean. For a 12-muffin tin, bake at 375 degrees for 18-20 minutes.