I sit and wonder

It's the night before the start of classes (well, laboratory, really, which in fact makes the start of classes at least 10 times worse) and, rather than enjoying my last few moments of non-depression, I'm sitting here wondering how the hell it is that I can still have so much work left on my plate. How can it be that I am so so incredibly incapable of cleaning my plate? I certainly can literally, and often voraciously do, clean my plates, so how can it be that I let the work in my life drag through the hours of my existence until it all piles up on top of one another?

And still, in my usual fashion of interminable procrastination (I baked some sandwich bread today instead of writing essays), I'm going to ignore the load of crap sitting at my "to-do" door, because we aren't really down to the wire quite yet, and finally come back from my summer hiatus to this blog. It wasn't really an intentional hiatus. One, this summer has been so hot and humid that I haven't felt much like fiddadling around in the kitchen without air condition, and two, there was  all that random sporadic traveling back and forth between the same cities (Baltimore, Atlanta, Baltimore, Philadelphia, Baltimore, Altoona, Hickory, Asheville, Hickory, Altoona, Philadelphia, Baltimore, Philadelphia....gahhh what's the freaking point?!), so much so that I don't think I was in front of a computer long enough to do any actual writing. And while there were a couple of food highlights in the kitchen, like curd, caramels, and pate...there really wasn't much to report on besides my constant "what the fuck is this"nesses of thought. Call it freneticism combined with the joy of being back in Baltimore keeping away my writing angst or whatever, I must say, the almost pointlessly spasticness of summer has eaten the time. Where did all the time go? 

It was quite an odd summer, I'll admit and document here, perhaps for future reading when I'm 80 and wondering where the hell did my whole life go. It was a summer that began with a job before school even ended, then transitioned into family stress and a part-time job, a make-up final exam, then 4 days of actual relaxation with Pinky in Baltimore, and then a return back to two part-time jobs and a continuing project, shimmying right up to and continuing into the start of school...or well, laboratory. Fixed prosthodontics, specifically. I don't even know what that means. I know nothing about prosthodontics, so I'm trying to maintain a bright outlook on the long day tomorrow, but really, I'd like to just curl up in my half-way unpacked new apartment and watch some Netflix all week long. 

Based on all these shenanigans, there are times, such as now and most times, actually, when I sit down and stare at the wall, and wonder, why it seems as though the world just keeps rushing by with people traveling through my line of vision to lands across the world, doing amazing things whilst I sit here contemplating my responsibilities and dreaming of the day that my career will set me free.  How many more years will it be now? Three? Eight? Nine? Fixed prosthodontics? Oh well. Perhaps one day, I'll decide to leave the staid walking shoes of the realist in me, the one that rigidly follows the healthcare profession route with little regard for mental glory. One day, perhaps. 

Until then, please enjoy this straightforward chicken liver pate. I'll let you know what fixed prosthodontics is in the near future, if I haven't burned out my mind by then. Hooray...

Chicken Liver Pate
heavily adapted from NYT cooking

makes 1.5 pints

1/4 C granulated sugar

2 TB water

2 teaspoons salt

8 TB unsalted butter, softened

1 medium white onion, finely chopped

2 cloves garlic, minced

20 oz cleaned chicken livers, soaked in milk

1 TB fresh thyme leaves*

1/3 C marsala wine

3 TB heavy cream

*Note: can substitute with 1 heaping teaspoon of ground thyme

In a large pan on the stove, mix together the granulated sugar and water, then heat until all the sugar melts and a brown caramel begins to form. Once the caramel is a bubbling, golden brown, add 4 TB of the softened butter, the finely chopped medium white onion, and minced garlic to the pan, stirring until ingredients are evenly mixed. Simmer until onions are translucent, stirring occasionally, and then season with the 2 teaspoons of salt.

Raise the heat ot high. Drain the livers of the milk and then add them to the pan with the thyme and marsala wine. Cook and stir occasionally, until livers are cooked through but still slightly pink inside.

Remove the pan from the heat and let cool. Transfer the contents of the pan to the food processor and blend until very smooth, adding the 3 TB of heavy cream in as you blend. Taste and add more salt if necessary. Transfer the pate to clean jars (I filled 3 half-pint jars), smooth the tops, and press plastic wrap onto the tops. Cool for several hours or until firm. Serve.